Twisted Nursery Rhymes
Hickory Dickory Dock
Little Miss Muffett
Mary Had A Little Lamb
Mary Mary Quite Contrary
Little Boy Blue
Twinkle Twinkle Little Star
There Was An Old Woman
Humpty Dumpty
30 Days Hath September
London Bridge
Farmer In The Dell
Kookabarra Sits In The Old Gum Tree
Hickory Dickory Dock
Hickory dickory dock,
Two mice ran up the clock.
The clock struck one,
But it wasn't badly hurt.
OR
Hickory dickory dock,
Two mice ran up the clock.
The clock struck one,
But the other one got away.
Little Miss Muffet
Little Miss Muffet sat on her tuffet,
Eating her Irish stew.
Down came a spider and sat down beside her,
And so she ate him up, too!
OR
Little Miss Muffet sat on her tuffet,
Drinking up gasoline.
Down came a spider and lit up a lighter,
And blew her to smithereens!
OR
Little Miss muffet sat on her tuffet.
Eating her curds and whey.
Down came a spider,
And sat down beside her.
And Thwack! - it soon passed away.
Little Boy Blue
Little boy blue come blow your horn.
Sheep's in the meadow,
Cow's in the corn.
Your horse is in the living room.
And you don't want to ask about the rhinocerous!
Mary Had A Little Lamb
Mary had a little lamb.
You've heard this tale before;
But did you know she passed her plate,
And had a little more?
OR
People think that fleas are black,
But this just is not so!
For Mary had a little lamb,
Its fleas were white as snow
OR
Mary had a little lamb,
It was a real prize winner,
She loved that little lamb so much,
She served it up for dinner.
OR
Mary had a little lamb.
The obstetrician was amazed!
But when old MacDonald had a farm...
OR
Mary had a little lamb,
With apple jelly, 'taters, ham,
One whole plate of chocolate muffins.
Mary, Mary was a glutton.
OR
Mary had a William goat,
Its stomach was lined with zinc,
It followed her to school one day,
And drank a pint of ink.
Once it ate an oyster can,
Also a line of shirts,
The shirts can do no harm inside,
But oh, the oyster hurts!
The can was filled with dynamite,
Which Billy thought was cheese,
He rubbed against poor Mary's shin,
His deep distress to ease.
The was a flash of girl and goat,
And quite an acrid smell
Oh Mary's soul to heaven went,
And Billy's went ... there too.
Mary Mary, Quite Contrary
Mary, Mary quite contrary,
How does your garden grow?
With silver bells and cockle shells,
And buckets of weedkiller.
OR
Mary, Mary quite contrary,
watched her garden thrive.
The cops found seed of a rather odd weed.
Now she's doing three to five
London Bridge
London Bridge is falling down
Courtesy of Ace Demolition!
Twinkle Twinkle Little Star
Twinkle, twinkle, little bat,
How I wonder what you're at;
Up above the world so high,
Like a tea-tray in the sky,
Twinkle, twinkle little bat,
How I wonder what you're at.
OR
Scintillate, scintillate, globule vivific,
Fain would I fathom your nature specific;
Loftily poised in ether capacious,
Somewhat resembling a gem carbonaceous,
Scintillate, scintillate, globule vivific,
Fain would I fathom your nature specific
OR
Twinkle, twinkle, little starfish,
How I wonder what you arefish;
On the coral rocks you creep,
Underneath the sea so deep,
Twinkle, twinkle, little starfish,
How I wonder what you arefish.
The Farmer In The Dell
The virus in the DellTM,
The virus in the DellTM,
Hey, ho, the derry-oh,
The virus in the DellTM!
The virus takes a file,
The virus takes a file,
(etc)
The file takes a disk...(etc)
The disk takes the 'board...(etc)
The 'board takes the LAN...(etc)
The LAN takes the 'net...(etc)
There Was An Old Woman Who Lived In A Shoe
There was an old woman who lived in a shoe.
It smelled so bad, she knew not what to do.
She scrubbed and scrubbed.
She cursed and vexed.
Guess she never heard of Desenex.
Humpty Dumpty
Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall.
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
All the King's horseman and all the King's men
Had scrambled eggs for breakfast again.
Kookaburra Sits In The Old Gum Tree
Kookaburra sits on the 'lectric wire,
Jumping up and down with his pants on fire;
Jump, kookaburra, jump, kookaburra,
Higher and higher and higher!
30 Days Hath September
30 days hath September,
April.. Gee, I can't remember.
If you want to know them all,
Look at the calendar, on the wall!
I want more!! Then click on the book below. What are you waiting for? It's a collection of very funny sequels to our favourite
nursery rhymes. Makes a great gift too!
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