According to GCSE students, at least...!
This is (allegedly) a compilation of actual student GCSE answers.
- Ancient Egypt was inhabited by mummies and they all wrote in
hydraulics. They lived in the Sarah Dessert and traveled by Camelot.
The climate of the Sarah is such that the inhabitants have to live
- The Bible is full of interesting caricatures. In the first book of
the Bible, Guinessis, Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree.
of their children, Cain, asked, "Am I my brother's son?"
- Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the Red Sea, where they made
unleavened bread which is bread made without any ingredients. Moses
up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten commandments. He died before he ever
- Solomon had three hundred wives and seven hundred porcupines.
- The Greeks were a highly sculptured people, and without them we
wouldn't have history. The Greeks also had myths. A myth is a female
- Actually, Homer was not written by Homer but by another man of that
- Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went around giving people
advice. They killed him. Socrates died from an overdose of wedlock.
After his death, his career suffered a dramatic decline.
- In the Olympic games, Greeks ran races, jumped, hurled the biscuits,
and threw the Java.
- Eventually, the Romans conquered the Greeks. History calls people
Romans because they never stayed in one place for very long.
- Julius Caesar extinguished himself on the battlefields of Gaul. The
Ides of March murdered him because they thought he was going to be made
king. Dying, he gasped out: "Tee hee, Brutus."
- Nero was a cruel tyranny who would torture his subjects by playing
the fiddle to them.
- Joan of Arc was burnt to a steak and was canonized by Bernard Shaw.
Finally Magna Carta provided that no man should be hanged twice for the
- In midevil times most people were alliterate. The greatest writer
the futile ages was Chaucer, who wrote many poems and verses and also
- Another story was William Tell, who shot an arrow through an apple
while standing on his son's head.
- It was an age of great inventions and discoveries. Gutenberg
invented removable type and the Bible. Another important invention was
the circulation of blood. Sir Walter Raleigh is a historical figure
because he invented cigarettes and started smoking.
- The greatest writer of the Renaissance was William Shakespeare. He
was born in the year 1564, supposedly on his birthday. He never made
much money and is famous only because of his plays. He wrote tragedies,
comedies, and hysterectomies, all in Islamic pentameter.
- Writing at the same time as Shakespeare was Miguel Cervantes. He
wrote Donkey Hote. The next great author was John Milton. Milton wrote
Paradise Lost. Then his wife died and he wrote Paradise Regained.
- During the Renaissance America began. Christopher Columbus was a
great navigator who discovered America while cursing about the
Later, the Pilgrims crossed the ocean, and this was called Pilgrim's
- One of the causes of the Revolutionary War was the English put
in their tea. Also, the colonists would send their parcels through the
post without stamps. Finally the colonists won the War and no longer
to pay for taxis. Delegates from the original 13 states formed the
Contented Congress. Thomas Jefferson and Benjamin Franklin
were two singers of the Declaration of Independence. Franklin
electricity by rubbing two cats backwards and declared, "A horse
against itself cannot stand.". Franklin died in 1790 and is still dead.
- Soon the Constitution of the United States was adopted to secure
domestic hostility. Under the constitution the people enjoyed the right
to keep bare arms.
- Abraham Lincoln became America's greatest Precedent. Lincoln's
mother died in infancy, and he was born in a log cabin which he built
own hands. On the night of April 14, 1865, Lincoln went to the
theater and got shot in his seat by one of the actors in a moving
picture show. The believed assinator was John Wilkes Booth, a
insane actor. This ruined Booth's career.
- Meanwhile in Europe, the enlightenment was a reasonable time.
Voltaire invented electricity and also wrote a book called Candy.
- Gravity was invented by Isaac Walton. It is chiefly noticeable in
the autumn when the apples are falling off the trees.
- Johann Bach wrote a great many musical compositions and had a large
number of children. Bach died from 1750 to the present. Bach was the
most famous composer in the world and so was Handel. Handel was half
German half Italian and half English. He was very large.
- Beethoven wrote music even though he was deaf. He was so deaf he
wrote loud music. He took long walks in the forest even when everyone
was calling for him. Beethoven expired in 1827 and later died for this.
- The French Revolution was accomplished before it happened and
catapulted into Napoleon. Napoleon wanted an heir to inherit his power,
but since Josephine was a baroness, she couldn't have any children.
- The sun never set on the British Empire because the British
in the East and the sun sets in the West.
- Queen Victoria was the longest queen. She sat on a thorn for 63
years. She was a moral woman who practiced virtue. Her death was the
final event which ended her reign.
- The nineteenth century was a time of a great many thoughts and
inventions. The invention of the steamboat caused a network of rivers
spring up. Louis Pasteur discovered a cure for rabbis. Madman Curie
radio. And Karl Marx became one of the Marx brothers.
- The First World War, caused by the assignation of the Arch-Duck by
an anahist, ushered in a new error in the annals of human history.