Mis-translations of Signposts into English

English is a very international language - these signposts from around the world show just how international it really is...

• In a Tokyo Hotel:
• "Is forbidden to steal hotel towels please. If you are not a person to do such thing is please not to read notis."
• In a Bucharest hotel lobby:
• "The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable."
• In a Leipzig elevator:
• "Do not enter the lift backwards, and only when lit up."
• In Akko, Israel:
• "Lamp Chops"
• In a Belgrade hotel elevator:
• "To more the cabin, push button for wishing floor. If the cabin should enter more persons, each one should press a number of wishing floor. Driving is then going alphabetically by national order."
• In a Paris hotel elevator:
• "Please leave your values at the front desk."
• In a hotel in Athens:
• "Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11 A.M. daily."
• In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery:
• "You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and Soviet composers, artists, and writers are buried daily except Thursday."
• In an Austrian hotel catering to skiers:
• "Not to perambulate the corridors in the hours of repose in the boots of ascension."
• On the menu of a Swiss restaurant:
• "Our wines leave you nothing to hope for."
• On the menu of a Polish hotel:
• "Salad a firm's own make; limpid red beet soup with cheesy dumplings in the form of a finger; roasted duck let loose; beef rashers beaten up in the country people's fashion."
• Outside a Hong Kong tailor shop:
• "Ladies may have a fit upstairs."
• In a Rhodes tailor shop:
• "Order your summers suit. Because is big rush we will execute customers in strict rotation."
• Similarly, from the Soviet Weekly:
• "There will be a Moscow Exhibition of Arts by 15,000 Soviet Republic painters and sculptors. These were executed over the past two years."
• In and advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist:
• "Teeth extracted by the latest Methodists."
• In a Czechoslovakian tourist agency:
• "Take one of our horse-driven city tours - we guarantee no miscarriages."
• In a Copenhagen airline ticket office:
• "We take your bags and send them in all directions."
• On the door of a Moscow hotel room:
• "If this is your first visit to the USSR, you are welcome to it."
• In a Norwegian cocktail lounge:
• "ladies are requested not to have children in the bar."
• In a Budapest zoo:
• "Please do not feed the animals. If you have any suitable food, give it to the guard on duty."
• In an Acapulco hotel:
• "The manager has personally passed all the water served here."
• In a Tokyo shop:
• "Our nylons cost more than common, but you'll find they are best in the long run."
• From a Japanese information booklet about using a hotel air conditioner:
• "Cooles and Heates: If you want just condition of warm in your room, please control yourself."
• From a brochure of a car rental firm in Tokyo:
• "When passenger of foot heave in sight, tootle the horn. Trumpet him melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles your passage then tootle him with vigor."
• An advertising sign in Hyderabad
• "Beauty and Sliming Centre"
• Two signs from a Majorcan shop entrance:
• "- English well talking."
• "- Here speeching American."
• In Electronic Funds Transfer machines:
• "Please Swipe Customer Card"
• Advertised as an ice-cream flavour in Malaysia:
• "Sweatcorn"
• On the inside front cover of an airline menu:
• "Not uncommon to all we have endeared our way of life to making the kitchen special and unique in the preparation of our daily diet. In so far as to portray that it is as natural as some of our more delightful human endeavours, we have henceforth, taken an earthy and wholesome look and feel, which is consistently reflected throughout our classes as presented on the back cover... The design arrangement of food and utensils shows off the natural fun in the many and creative ways of preparing one's meals."

• In a London Department Store:
• Bargain Basement Upstairs.
• In an office:
• Would the person who took the step ladder yesterday please bring it back or further steps will be taken.
• In another office:
• After the tea break staff should empty the teapot and stand upside down on the draining board.
• Outside a second hand shop:
• We exchange anything - bicycles, washing machines, etc. Why not bring your wife along and get a wonderful bargain.
• Quicksand Warning:
• Quicksand. Any person passing this point will be drowned. By order of the District Council.
• Notice in a dry-cleaner's window:
• Anyone leaving their garments here for more than 30 days will be disposed of.
• Spotted in a safari park:
• Elephants Please Stay In Your Car.
• Seen during a conference:
• For anyone who has children and doesn't know it, there is a day care on the first floor.
• Notice in a field:
• The farmer allows walkers to cross the field for free, but the bull charges.
• Seen in a toilet in a London office block:
• Toilet out of order. Please use floor below.

• Illiterate? Write today for free help.
• Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once, you'll never go anywhere again.
• Our experienced Mom will care for your child. Fenced yard, meals, and smacks included.
• Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children.
• Stock up and save. Limit: one.
• Semi-Annual after-Christmas Sale.
• 3-year old teacher needed for pre-school. Experience preferred.
• Dinner Special-Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00
• Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take home, too.
• We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand.
• Great Dames for sale.
• Have several very old dresses from grandmother in beautiful condition.
• Vacation Special: have your home exterminated.
• Get rid of aunts. Zap does the job in 24 hours.
• Toaster: A gift that every member of the family appreciates. Automatically burns toast.
• For Rent: 6-room hated apartment.
• Man, honest. Will take anything.
• Used Cars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated. Come here first.
• Christmas tag-sale. Handmade gifts for the hard-to-find person.
• Wanted: Hair cutter. Excellent growth potential.
• Wanted. Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink.
• And now, the Superstore-unequaled in size, unmatched in variety, unrivaled inconvenience.
• We will oil your sewing machine and adjust tension in your home for $1.00.

• In a pet shop in Malaysia:
• "For hygienic purposes, do not feed your hand to the dog"
• At a cinema in Singapore:
• "Children three years and under must be accompanied by an adult sitting on their lap"
• At the end of the buffet (smorgasbord) line at an Illinois restaurant:
• "Take only what you can eat, not what you can throw" submitted by Mike McC
• A warning in a railway station in Kuala Lumpur:
• "Please beware of your belongings"